Tuesday, August 7, 2012

For Your Bucket List

Ok, I cannot handle seriousness all the time here on the blog, so this week’s post is something different, something fun. 
Something for your Bucket List.  
Yep, I want to help you with that all important list of lists.  First, let’s make sure we’re on the same page.  A bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you “kick the bucket.”   You have one don’t you?  If you don’t, that’s ok, I’m here to help you get started.   
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Being an amateur sociologist, I love anything and everything about cultures.  So when I stumbled upon a trivia question about the Lumberjack World Championships, and the Okie Noodling Festival…I was hooked.

In a heartbeat I was planning future family vacations, and “googling”. Here, I must confess that I was very disappointed, to learn that the Okie Noodling Festival has nothing to do with pasta.  I love pasta.  Don’t you?  But no, it’s actually about catching catfish your bare hands.   *crosses that one off the list*

Not deterred by that minor setback, I began searching for other interesting festivals to visit.  Visiting all 50 states is already on my Bucket List, so why not visit a cool festival while I am there, right?

I found a very helpful website, festivals.com that gave me info about festivals all over the US.  Most festivals appear to revolve around music.  That’s cool, I like music, but I was looking for something a little more unusual like lumberjacks and well, you know, pasta.

So the search continued.  I reasoned that perhaps it would be helpful to start close to home.  Easier on the budget and all that, so I searched for “Montana festivals” with the Marie Osmond/Dan Seals song, “Meet me in Montana” playing on the radio of my mind.  And I gotta tell ya, Montana has a festival that should be on everyone’s Bucket List.  How could we possibly have lived this long without experiencing it?  Do you have a pen and paper handy?  Cause you don’t want to miss this…
It’s the Testicle Festival.  I’m so not kidding.  That is actually what it is called.  It’s all about Rocky Mountain Oysters served with cowboy beans.  They boast of two and a half tons of this gourmet food being served along with music and adult activities.  Hmmm. . .(crossing another one off the List, where’s the pasta?).
Then I thought perhaps I should check the South West (my family lives there, I could kill two birds and all that...).  And I found the Festival of Festivals.  Get your pencil (yeah really!)  It's the:
Sweetwater Rattlesnake Roundup
Oh yeah!  The festival begins with Bouny Hunters who for $5 lb round up rattle snakes, straight from their dens.  Then they "milk" them, which in this case has nothing to do with mammary glands.  Once they are milked they hold them out for the audience to see...and touch!   
There is a "lion-tamer" type show where they demonstrate irritating a rattler and how fast they can strike.  That sounds safe, right? Bad day for the snakes, who are taken off set, as it were and killed. They are then returned and skinned before a live audience.  The skins and meat are sold to happy buyers. All this for only a $6 entrance fee.   We've already missed it this year, sorry about that!  But you can see pictures HERE.
And here's a little something for your fridge:
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I have to be honest, snakes squick me out…so I might be better off sticking with festivals.coms and the music festivals.  To be fair, they also listed cultural festivals and historical rendezvous’ that sounded fascinating.  I’d list them, but honestly- there were too many, and they just weren’t funny (criminal isn’t it?)  But do check them out for your list.

And if you know of any “don’t miss” festivals, be sure and let me know.  Particularly, if pasta is involved.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Shame on Me

Some Day

"Tell me again,"
I say and they do,
"It's not your fault."

I picture them in my mind,
my husband,
my Bishop,
my therapist,
my friends

I see the words on their lips,
I hear their words with my ears.
"It's not your fault"

But my heart
. . .does not hear
The little child in me
. . .does not see. . .

Somewhere deep inside,
...I know
It was my fault,
and I need
to be Punished.

"Tell me again," I say. And they do...
Some day I will believe them.
Some day,
. . .but not today

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I wrote this poem in April 2010.  Later in Dec 2010, I wrote that I had at last overcome the shame and the belief that what happened was my fault. Not too long after that, they came back and have been my companions ever since. 

I like to think of myself as a critical thinker, and yeah, it bothers me to have such an irrational thought consume me the way it does.  I was a child, it wasn't my fault.  On the surface, rationally, I know that is true.  But in the deeper processes of my mind, the man behind the curtain, or rather the child behind the curtain says it is.  That is all that matters.


Because the child says it was my fault, I don't do a lot of things I used to love.  Recently I was asked to say one of the prayers in church.  No.  I didn't even have to think about it.  I can't do it.   Give a talk, or a lesson?  Nope, forget it.  Recently I was asked to substitute in my 6 yr old son's Primary class (it's like Sunday School for children).  I tried to wriggle out of it without explaining my situation.  How could I explain that I could teach 6 yr olds science maybe, but religion, nope.  Forget it.  Because the teacher seemed a bit desperate, I agreed to do it.  Then I twisted my husband's arm to take my place.  While he taught, I supported him by sitting nearby and smiling.  (Incidentally, during class my friend Josh's daughter said the funniest thing.  You can read about it on his blog.)

I wish I could end this post by telling you, especially those of you that have experienced the same kind of trauma, what the answer is.  But I'm sure I don't know.  I don't think it is a question that can be answered in 1000 words or less anyway.  According to The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook by Glenn R. Schrialdi, overcoming the shame and guilt is one of the reasons that the memories need to be recovered and processed.  He believes that healing can happen.  For now, I'll take his word for it.  I highly recommend his book, by the way.

In order to reconcile my illogical emotions, with my logical mind, I prescribe chess.  Anyone up for a game?