"Words were useless. At times, they might sound wonderful, but they let you down the moment you really needed them. You could never find the right words, never, and where would you look for them? The heart is as silent as a fish, however much the tongue tries to give it a voice." Cornelia Funk, Inkheart
Though I fancy myself a writer, at times I find words to be useless as well. At the most important times, and for the things closest to our heart words simply fail. For example, often times I tell my husband, "I love you," and while I know he hears the words, I am not altogether certain that he hears what all is in my heart. In spite of the inadequacy of words, I would like to try and share with you what happened to me today.
It's Palm Sunday...on this day Christ entered Jerusalem triumphantly with people laying palm leaves on the ground (this was before red carpets...). Then He went to the temple and cleansed it. He overturned tables! Stop for a moment and imagine what a scene that was. He was angry. We don't often picture him that way, but He had to have been very angry. I find His anger oddly comforting.
For some months I have struggled with the idea that Heavenly Father and Jesus knew what happened to me and yet did not stop it. Many of you reading this have children, can you imagine knowing that someone is hurting your child in such a way and yet allowing it to continue??? My adult mind understood that God cannot simply swoop down and stop the bad guys all the time. (Think about it, our population could diminish very quickly...but seriously, as an adult I do understand.) However, the parts of me that holds the pain and memories of a child...did NOT understand. Not at all.
A few weeks ago, I began to think about the scriptures that talk about God's vengeance on the wicked. Those scriptures that made me cringe before suddenly became very comforting. God did not intervene when the abuse happened, but that does not mean that He is not angry about what occurred. It does not mean that my abuser...or any abuser...will go unpunished. Mercy cannot rob Justice.
Thus began the healing in my heart, my God has not forsaken me. Then today during church I was pondering the words of a hymn, I Stand All Amazed...and I realized...Christ felt alone in the Garden of Gethsemane. He wrestled with pain while his friends slept. Then came the trial and the Crucifixion...Heavenly Father did not rescue Christ from the hands of the evil men. And Christ did not save Himself from them, though it was in His power to do so. When He was on the cross, He cried out, "My God, My God, why has thou forsaken me?" He felt alone in His greatest time of need.
And through His pain, I could finally see that while I have felt alone and abandoned,
I was not. I am not.
And thus, Christ was welcomed back into my wounded heart.
What a wonderful post, Leslie. Yes, Jesus was very angry! And yes...God will avenge you! His vengeance will be worse than anything man can do to that person.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 18:6 King James Bible:
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
No one messes with one of God's own and gets away with it. And you are a child of God.
Remember, too, Leslie...Great things come out of tragedy and heartache. All things work for good for those who love the Lord.
ReplyDeleteIt may not be of comfort to be tempered in any way, but for the sacrifice of one - many are saved. Jesus is a good example, as is Donna that lost her sweet baby girl, and now in all 50 states we have the Amber Alert, that has saved children from such evil. Look at John Walsh, in his pain and horror, he has gone on to do great things that benefit many, many people as well.
You don't know the impact you are having on others, as you move through this world changed from your horrible circumstances. It would have never happened to you, had we not been in a fallen world filled with sin, but we are -for now. It will NOT always be this way. Our Lord will come and fix this mess that man and the Devil have made. Be strong and of good courage.
Have a blessed Easter, Leslie.
I mam very glad for you Leslie. You've re-discovered these thing in a new light and time of life. You are getting strongerand will someday soon be able to teach others who are floundering. You've been through hrll, but you've been blessed.
ReplyDeleteSarah
Oh, bless your heart--your healing heart! What a wonderful article! Leslie, I am so glad you wrote this. There are many of us out here who really needed to hear this. On Palm Sunday, what a miraculous feeling to have come to you.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about so much. Heavenly Father could very easily have spared His son all pain, suffering, anguish and torment. However, that would have made this world and all of those in it unable to fulfill the measure of our creation. All that this world has become and all of our lives would have been for naught. Father, in His infinite wisdom, did not. He allowed His son to do all He came here to do.
I know how along you have felt. I have felt that, too. Whenever those feelings are at their worst, Christ, who has endured ALL things, is there, with His arms wrapped around us, whether or not we can feel Him. I'm glad you've finally noticed He is there, He is always there. But like our Father in Heaven, He knows there are things we must all do as well as He did, and to be able to return Home and be wrapped in His arms and those of our Father in Heaven, and to be told, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant".
Heavenly Father may not have stopped these things from happening to you, or to the rest of us, but I assure you, He is far from happy with the abusers. Remember how Christ was angry with the moneychangers at the Temple in Jerusalem? This is a far greater crime.
At those difficult times, when pain is all you can feel, remember that, even when you don't feel it and think that you have been deserted, read this and know that you are never along, not even in your trials.
I love you, dear wise woman.
Ooooo thank you for your encouraging words. There are a lot of things in life we will not understand this side of heaven, and one is why Lord did you let the abuse happen? Appreciate your honesty. Blessings.
ReplyDeleteCame back by to give you a ((((Leslie))))
ReplyDeleteI like it because i was seeking for such type of info.
ReplyDeleteI hope it benefits all one who land up here.
Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments and support!!!
ReplyDeleteChrysalis Angel...I think you really are an angel. :) Thank you so much.
Sarah, thank you for reminding me that I am getting stronger! It has been Hellish, but you're right, I'm getting stronger. Thank you!
Mary Sue, You know I think you are wonderful, my friend. Thanks!
Just Be Real ((((hugs)))) to you as well. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.
Air Conditioner, thank you so much for your comments. It really makes me happy to know that sharing my struggles and occasional successes can be helpful to someone else!
Have a happy Easter, Leslie. Stay the course.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your experience. I had a similar one some years back. When the understanding moves from the head to the heart it is truly a gift from God. I hope your relationship with Him becomes all the more blessed because of this experience.
ReplyDelete